Rid Planet Earth of human beings. A serious piece, for once..

The big problem with Planet Earth, as most people will agree, is that too many human beings are trying to live on it and off it. The logical solution, therefore, must be to stop so many babies being born, and to lop off a whole tier of old people. 

Stopping so many being born could be achieved as follows:-

1) Get the Pope to change his view on contraception - participating Catholics please lobby him, it is urgent.
2) Only give child benefit to the first two children born of any one woman. And don't give it in money, give it in things essential for children's welbeing, like shoes, preferably made in the country where the children are born. (Helpful for jobs and carbon footprints - no pun intended.)
3) Encourage homosexuality. It is clearly on the increase and well done to those who already practise it. Maybe God has got his/her/its eye on the situation and has decided to create more gay people who are unlikely to bear offspring. Or maybe Planet Earth itself has somehow managed to influence human DNA in that respect as a self-protective measure.

Lopping off a whole tier of old people could be achieved as follows:-

When people over the age of three score years and ten become ill they should be denied treatment of any sort and, if their condition worstens, be given a delicious-tasting lethal cocktail, with their favourite music playing and their loved ones around them. A death to be looked forward to instead of the ghastly endings endured by so many whose lives are dragged out to the bitter end.

If the human population continues to expand there will undoubtedly be more famine, droughts, wars and disease and, if the planet ultimately manages to rid itself of humankind, all the animals, plants, fish, etc. would rise up and cheer, 'Good riddance to the lot of you, you destroyers of a perfect world,' if they were able. Hopefully, when the next batch of homo sapiens then evolved in a few million years time, the planet would have recovered from our lot.

There we are. That's solved!!