Think negative, it saves a lot of fed-upness.

Today, my twenty-four year old granddaughter expressed relief, via an e-mail, that Spring would quickly follow this short month of Feb. Not wanting her hopes to be cruelly dashed, I cruelly dashed off this reply:-

Oh lovely granddaughter, try not to be fooled by the promise of Spring after this short February month. Daffodils and baby lambs are all very well but they don't stop the snow and icy winds blowing. I know that years ago you wouldn't believe me when I told you that Father Christmas wasn't real, but as I was proved right then (although perhaps a little un-grandmotherly) you should now heed my following words:-

 It is better to expect and be prepared for the worst than to hope for the best and be let down. In other words, think negative. It saves a lot of fed-upness.

A hard question.

Can anyone who is a believer please tell me what their God was doing before he made the universe and where on earth he dwelt. See, I've gone into religious language with the 'dwelt' bit. But that only means I was brain-washed during my formative years. And, when I say 'where on earth' he dwelt, that's just an expression. I don't mean somewhere like Bang Kok or Tunbridge Wells. Now I'm worried whether I've spelt the Kok of Bang Kok right and have just realised it's a rather rude name.

Also, if there is somewhere outside the universe where this God spirit dwelt (see, still at it, brain-washing is hard to overcome) was mass and energy in existence there? But, since the word universe means everything that exists going on to infinity, by definition there can't be another place. However, if we imagine that another place does, or did exist, why did this God spirit bother to create the universe. Or, was the big bang that created it one big cock-up, or kok-up, made by God, like the one made by my science teacher who exploded me and the whole of my form?!!

Answers would be appreciated. (Except on the spelling front.) And parallel universes don't count. If they do exist, the God spirit would have had to have made them, so the question remains, where was he dwelling before then?

Today's advice: have negative thoughts to avoid disappointment

I have spent a good deal of my very long life nearly 'making it'. My fortune that is. And for 'nearly' you could substitute 'not'. Not making it. However, the trying to make it has been wonderful, adding a zest to life that can only normally be obtained by a triple espresso or sex.

At eighteen I bought a rusty old bike and spent hours rubbing it down and doing it up but ended up getting rid of it at a loss. I'd like to say that at that age it was the same with boyfriends but I never did any rubbing down or doing up so that may have constituted a problem.

At nineteen I bought an Adana printing set and spent night after night dreaming of the printing factory I would eventually own. But my cousin 'borrowed' it and then had the nerve to send me a Christmas card printed with it, a fact that still rankles with Mr A all these years on!

Today, I am waiting with bated breath, but no hope, to hear whether I have won a writing competition, the closing date for entries being yesterday. I imagine the judges mulling over which one is best, mine or another. And, although hope flutters in my breast, I make myself believe it is 'another'. because I think the power of positive thought is all hokum and that it is best to be prepared for the worst and absolutely amazed by the best. Those are my words of wisdom for today. Think negative.

There is a Penguin God fantasy

From reading another few pages of The Hair of the Dog book, and also viewing a programme on TV last night, I have learnt that some infinities are bigger than others. Yeah. Right. As far as I'm concerned, infinity goes on for ever. End of story. It's easier for me to believe there is a god chucking down fish for penguins than to believe there are different infinities of varying sizes. So that's that!

There is a pig god fantasy

If you believe there is a god for humans, then why shouldn't there be a god for other live things, such as pigs, penguins, dogs, ants, bees, aliens if they exist, perhaps even bacteria or other microbes. For, in my opinion, life itself is the unexplained miracle, not just we humans.

Imagine there is a bacteria God and you could conclude that he-she-it works hard for them, creating mutations, ducking and diving, always trying to outwit human endeavours to eliminate the ones that are bad. No wonder so many of the nasty little devils thrive.

I don't believe there is such a thing as a god - pig, dog, penguin, bacteria or other - but if I am wrong and there is one for humans, he-she-it has proved to be very unkind and has certainly got it in for old people. It wouldn't have taken much effort to devise a death that is pleasant and doesn't involve a long drawn-out painful breaking down of body and mind. Something to look forward to.

Having just looked back to my 22nd January ramblings about a dog god and manna from heaven in the form of bones, I see a theme is developing. Watch this space. Well not this one obviously. You've already read this.

The parable of the infected foot.

I look back to the picture of my infected foot taken last February and know that I should be pleased that the only foot problem I have this year is a couple of chilblains. But I am not pleased. Even though the chilblains are a minor complaint compared with the infection, they still blooming well itch and hurt and drive me quite mad!

Similarly, if you know that some people are experiencing greater pain or hardship than you, does it make your pain or hardship seem less?   Probably the answer is Yes while their greater problems are fresh in your mind, but No when your difficulties expand to fill your whole head.

Here endeth the parable of the infected foot..